Its Sunday and I'm lounging around in my new favorite maxi dress and sandals. The tribe and I woke up early to go eat breakfast at Dunkin Donuts and to make a few groceries.
I try to use my Sundays to mentally prepare for the work week. Today though, my mind is on a bunch of random things that I cant seem to shake. I'm sure God is trying to tell me something. Lets start with last week. We have a new regional director that we were formally introduced to a few weeks ago. I'm still trying to figure her out and she's still learning me so needless to say, its been a learning curve for all of us. Learning curves can make for uncomfortable conversations and since we're still learning each other, criticisms that turn into offenses. I am a person easily offended so what do you think happened last week? Right! Lots of mini, private melt downs where I questioned myself A LOT!! I had a talk with Chetoria though that put things into perspective. I asked why is it that me, Shelia, am always misunderstood. My whole life people have over-analyzed EVERYTHING about me and then threw a label on me and boxed me in. The labels were that I'm angry, too outspoken, no direction, cant take criticism, mean, the list goes on and on. Well, just like a person can tell when they are in the company of a person with low self-esteem, so too can they tell when they are in the company of someone whose bold, confident and unafraid to use her voice. So that gets me labeled as angry and because I'm black, I'm suddenly an angry black woman. I didn't think of it like that but as always, Chetoria for the win. I'm black. I'm very proud of all this melanin but I am not angry. I move in love. I'm whole. I'm full. I give of myself in abundance. I am a giver, very rarely expecting anything in return. So these labels? I'm not defined by them.
Her advice? Keep being you sis. They will either love you or hate you but you wont be affected by their choice. She's right. I went back to work with a better attitude and a more positive outlook. I wont say the week ended on a positive note but it did end with me feeling more sure of myself.
Last weekend, I was afforded the opportunity to hang with Chetoria, whose my biological sister and Missy, my sister through her relationship with my brother. Oh and she also gave us our Hannah, one of my beautiful nieces and our bonus nephew, Caden. Months back, we were all sitting around my aunt's house talking about how we don't hardly ever get together anymore for a girls night out. My aunt suggested we get out for a weekend. Leave the kids, the boyfriends and husbands and just hang out. Right there in my aunt's living room, we planned our first girls weekend getaway. We decided to stay close by and just go overnight. So we met up in Baytown and headed to Kemah. Can I tell y'all how much FUN we had!! We didn't even do a lot but just to hang out with them was more than enough. We did the cheesy, typical tourist things like get fake tattoos on the Boardwalk (which freaked my husband out lol), had drinks at Bubba Gumps and walked along the boardwalk. Our hotel had a balcony that overlooked Lake Clear Lake. Missy, like me is afraid of heights so no sitting on the balcony for her but Chetoria and I LOVED it! The view was breathtaking.
On our last day there, I woke up early to be entertained by the rising of the sun. I grabbed my camera, a chair and made my way to the balcony. There was this stillness all around me and God was working his paintbrush with different shades of blues and grays. I could not put my camera down. I felt like I needed to capture all of this greatness in case I lose the words to describe it. Once the sun started to rise, the tone of the lake changed and God switched brushes. The sky went from bluish gray to deep oranges and all different shades of purple. I got emotional thinking of how God allowed me to be there, at that moment, surrounded by all this beauty, sharing it with 2 beautiful, strong women. 2016 has been tough. I have been challenged but God has never wavered in His love nor has His blessings ceased. That moment was created for me.
Today I am thinking about that experience of watching the sun rise and how full I felt. Stillness is necessary so today, I'm going to be still and reflect on how I can be a better me so that people will come to see God in me. Stillness is an art and I am a blank canvas. I cant wait to see what God paints.
I hope you all have a God-filled week. When the day gets too challenging, find your stillness and allow God to speak directly to you. Love and light to you all!