It is a beautiful morning and my mood is reflective of that. Its something about waking up with the sun and having a few minutes of alone time with just my thoughts and God that makes my spirit glow. When God begins to shift things around in my life, I like to live in that and be gracious when accepting His blessings.
When Cedrick and I talked about me being a stay at home mom, I was nervous but excited. I didn't know any other stay at home mothers besides my sister-in-law who technically still had a job, just not a Monday-Friday 9-5 type of job. So I came into this situation not fully aware of what it was going to require of me but open to whatever it would lead. Before moving out here, I had a stable career working amongst people that I loved and admired. For 6 years, I worked for a wonderful organization that allowed me to grow at my own pace. That job afforded me many opportunities to connect with my community on a spiritual level. When I left in March of 2015, I left with a wealth of knowledge that I knew would benefit me in a city such as Houston where the job market is very competitive. But honestly I was so apprehensive about leaving and getting out my comfort zone.
About 6 months into moving out here, I found myself desiring something. I didn't know what that something was but I knew I needed to venture back into the workplace. We were doing fine on one income but I was still nervous about it. All these hypothetical questions flooded my mind. What if Cedrick gets laid off? What if the tentants in our townhome decide to move out before their lease is up? What if something happens with one of our vehicles? I would literally stay up late at night worrying myself over things that I had not yet happened. Like most Americans, we have debt. Unlike most Americans, we are not content with it. We are slowly getting rid of it but not fast enough for me.I'll be completely honest, I am of the microwave generation in that I want instant results. I sat down with Cedrick and expressed my concerns. He was hesitant at first about me going back to workbut very supportive. As we always do, we put our plans on paper, played around with some numbers and then we executed. One thing you must know about us, we are BIG on planning and executing our plans almost down to the wire, to the last cent. It has to make sense on paper before we even consider it. Me going back to work made sense for what we desired for our tribe.
During the winter of 2015, I went on several interviews. None of those jobs ever called me back. I felt so defeated. I thought I had prepared myself. I thought my resume spoke volumes about my capabilities. I was too confident that I would walk into a facility with all my knowledge and a job offer would come. It didn't. Cedrick, our friends and family kept reassuring me that it wasn't me, it was the timing. I couldn't see it at the time but they were right. One day I woke up and told God that I was tired of worrying. I sat at our dining table, had my morning bible study and told God, Okay, I'm done with trying to do this on my own. That morning I felt so peaceful. I took it as a sign that He was still working it out. My worries were only hindering me from completely submitting my problems over to Him. I quit looking for a job. I shifted my focus to those things that I could control at that moment. I started living. Months went by before I decided to give it a go again. This time, I got the job.
Since accepting the offer, I've been searching for daycares and preparing us to get back into a routine that we haven't had since late 2014. People have asked me am I ready? Is Caleb ready? How is Cedrick feeling about you going back to work? To be honest, I'm not sure if any of us are actually ready for this change but right now, we have tunnel vision. We have goals we are ready to accomplish so I cant focus on any of the negatives associated with working in a city this size (the traffic, the hour long commute, the bad weather that floods the streets) I'm again trusting that God will take care of those things that are out of my control. Right now, I'm focused on making this transition as easy and pain free for Caleb and still be 100 percent present for Cedrick. That's the driving force for me right now. The urgency to create this wonderful life for our tribe, free from debt has me hyped. The desire to give back to a new community, make new connections and do more of God's work, has me excited and motivated!
Another question I am often asked from people that know me, is "How do you feel about going into an environment where you don't know anyone?" I don't do well with change but right now, I'm going with the wave. I cant allow myself to think about whether my personality will mix well with my new co-workers or allow any other negative thoughts to come into play. Tunnel vision. My tribe. Our goals. My new community and their needs. That's what I'm dedicated to.
This will be a challenge and I've accepted that. I also know from experience that God will meet me wherever I am.
Whenever you're faced with a challenge, think about your why. True story: Cedrick and I use to ride through "rich" neighborhoods in Beaumont. We would often say "This is my why." This is why we get up and go to a job that challenges us. This is why we stay up late at night studying. This is why we cant give up. For us, the big house didn't represent material possessions because we don't desire a fancy house and lots of money but that became our symbol for stability, freedom. Right now, my why is my tribe. Regardless of what challenges await me at this phase, my focus and drive is my tribe.
Its time to get to work!