Hello beautiful people! As I type this, I am sitting on the couch in my pajamas nursing myself back to good health. Its been a sickly and busy week in our household. We have gone on almost 10 daycare tours (I'll blog about that next week), dealt with car issues and met our new doctor that we haven't quite met yet (we met his PA). I am exhausted. I am cramping. And I am fat. Today I am opening myself up to you about my struggles with my weight and how grief plays a huge role in it!
I've never had an issue with my weight before. Back in high school, I was about 110 pounds and comfortable. Better than comfortable, I was fine if I must say so myself. Ha! Once I got to college, I gained the freshman 15 and haven't stopped gaining since. But my weight gain wasn't anything I was worried about. I did lots of cardio all the time so my metabolism was high. Fast forward to my mid-30s, add love weight and then baby weight, oh and sprinkle in stress weight and my metabolism packed its bags and was like nope girl we cant do this with you anymore! Insert sad emoji here!
People tell me all the time, "Girl you don't even look that big!" Those people are probably right but I feel so sluggish all the time, my skin is having constant breakouts and well my clothes aren't fitting like they use to. I've had to be honest with myself and acknowledge that over the past 2 months, I have let myself go. I am an emotional eater. Besides writing, that's been my coping mechanism my whole adult life. I cant even deny it anymore. If I get bad news, I'm reaching for food. If I'm stressed out, I'm eating. If I'm in a mental funk, I'm eating my way out of it. Usually, I'll allow myself a week during my visit from mother nature to just let myself go. But then the following week, I'd hit the gym hard.
Needless to say, I haven't been hitting anything hard except the plate and its showing in all areas of my life. Before April 1st, I was in the best shape of my life. I had lost weight, my skin was glowing, my eating habits were checked and my whole attitude about my life was positive. Then death showed up in my world and I've been trying to eat my way through grief for the past 2 months. I'm having a hard time focusing on losing weight. Last week was my first consistent week in the gym and it felt like torture! I did 30 minutes of high intensity cardio but then came home and ate loads of bad carbs. I also broke up with sleep 2 months ago as well. Oh and my attitude? Real rude.
We try to trick ourselves into believing we have everything under control but you cant lie to your body. It will remind you that its time to show it some love. That's how I'm feeling today. I was browsing social media this morning and one of my favorite natural hair bloggers posted about her weight gain after her daddy died on April 10th. She went on to explain how she had to incorporate yoga into her workout to help her balance. I instantly tagged Chetoria in that post because she knows my struggle with my weight as of late.
Adding yoga to my workout isn't a bad idea. My balance is off emotionally and physically. Its a lot of positivity going on in my life right now and I need to be in the moment, taking it all in. I cant seem to do that though. Weight gain isn't just a physical challenge, its just as much a mental challenge as it is a physical one.
Monday I'm starting a detox/fast. I do them several times throughout the year to cleanse me and center me. I rid my body of processed sugars, meat, bread, toxic foods and people. The first day is always the hardest but after that, the body does what its designed to do, cleanses itself. There are headaches involved and I get chills sometimes because it really is a detox. The body becomes accustomed to all the bad things we put in it so it goes into a sort of shock when we quit giving it that and replace the bad food with good foods. Around day 3, life is good again. I don't have an end date in mind. I just want to feel like myself again.
Losing pounds is good but feeling mentally strong and emotionally available is my goal. I bought myself a journal from the local book store so I can document all the feelings I'm going to experience on this detox. I'm always amazed at how aware and focused I become when I'm treating my body like the temple God designed it to be. I might be documenting my weight loss journey and detoxing experience on social media. I will for sure keep everyone updated through my blog about how its going. Through being transparent about my struggles with my weight, I hope you'll be inspired to allow yourself to love yourself through every stage. You are never in any one battle alone.
I challenge you today to be honest with yourself about yourself. I challenge you to be open to changing those things you don't like about you. It doesn't have to be your weight but anything you're having a hard time with today, focus on making it better for you. We're all in this together.
Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1Corithians 6 19-20