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Changes

Changes

I never desired to be a stay at home mother. It wasn't part of my plan. I didn't dream of it. Never considered it. Things happen and plans are changed, sometimes forcefully but always necessary.

Cedrick has always been very proactive in how he handles his career. Its something he has worked very hard at and something he actually enjoys. Working in the technology sector comes with a lot of responsibilities and a need to keep with the times. As we all are aware of, technology changes everyday, sometimes several times a day. We knew early in our marriage it would come a time when Beaumont wouldn't be able to house our dreams and career goals anymore. We just didn't know when and where God would lead us. 

Fast forward to 2014. Things at my job were going lovely. The 3 of us were settled into our routine with Caleb progressing very well at his daycare. But I could sense that my husband wasn't happy and I knew it had zero to do with our marriage. Looking back at it now, God was preparing him for a change. Towards the end of 2014, things at his job wasn't looking too well. He felt stagnant there. He needed to be somewhere that would allow him to learn and grow. We sat down and talked of all the place we could relocate to and why. We didn't want to be too far away from our families, especially me considering my grandmother was sick with CHF. Cedrick's brothers and their families were already settled in Houston and so it seemed like the most logical  place to relocate even if just temporary. He is very close to his brothers and so finally getting the opportunity to be in the same city with them was very important to us. But we were prepared to go wherever God led us.

In those discussions we talked about me staying home. "Stay home with Caleb love and get acquainted with our new surroundings. Whenever you're ready to go back to work, you can." My Cedrick. Always thinking of ways to ease my worried mind. He went on several interviews around Houston and after an intense interview process, was offered a job at a company in The Woodlands. We were so excited! I was so happy for him, my love. This is what we had been praying for. We found an apartment, leased our townhome (I'll save that story for another blog post. Very interesting stuff!) and left our home city. Cedrick left first at the end of November. Caleb and I  would join him 3 months later in March of 2015.

My first day as a stay at home mom I felt lost. What do I do with Caleb? What do I feed him? Am I suppose to be teaching him? These questions may seem silly and odd but I wasn't with him all day up until that point. I was so afraid. I wanted Cedrick to be able to focus on work and trust that I was holding us down at home. I needed reassurance from him that we were doing the right thing and that any income coming into our home, was also mine. This was new territory for me. When I met Cedrick, I had 2 jobs and my own apartment. So to go from being Ms. Independent to Mrs. Stay-at-home-mom put me in an uncomfortable zone.

I reached out to friends on social media for tips and was so relieved to know that many of them experienced some of the same fears I was experiencing. Every day I would read their advice and gain more strength. Don't get it twisted, I worried about us going from a family of 2 incomes down to 1 and what it would mean. But I also knew that my husband wouldn't lead us to a dead end. That's the thing, submit to your husband but KNOW who you are submitting to. That's a whole different blog post.

One year into this journey and I'm still learning. Its been a year of trial and errors, more errors than I feel comfortable sharing. What works for me is routine. Caleb was used to a routine with daycare and so that has been my focus. I workout, I cook 6 days a week to save us money, I teach my son site words and I clean every room in our apartment everyday. There are days that its overwhelming but on those days, I give myself permission to take a break. I have a select few that I reach out to when I need to vent or just cry or just be. They may not be able to relate to this life but their love for me is without a doubt, unconditional.  Cedrick has been amazing throughout this process. When it becomes too much, he is right there with open arms and ears. We are in this together. I tell people I'm a part time stay at home mother because when Cedrick gets home, he hits the ground running to help with any and everything.

Moving to a new city, not knowing anyone has made us stronger, more of a team than we've ever been. Its been a beautiful lesson that I would gladly do all over again. I'm not sure where Cedrick's career will take us but wherever he and Caleb are, that's home to me. Changes are necessary. Changes teach us exactly who we are and when we feel we cant possibly take on anymore, God reminds us of His strength.

I am made stronger because of THIS change.

Grief

Grief

Dilemma

Dilemma